Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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