i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
