Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
