I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
