wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
