Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
