I think my vagina is haunted
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
