3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
