yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize