Ambien. No doubt about it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A bitchslap is in order.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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