In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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