1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she told me i tasted like america
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
