my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
