and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize