My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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