i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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