take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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