I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
