he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
