If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
