dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Drunk is a universal language darling
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
