All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
