I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
