he puts the penis in happiness.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I believe in your delicious
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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