I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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