Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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