We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize