I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
