the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
