Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
