It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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