Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
