Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
