4 words: hood of his car
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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