I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
