wanna go halves on a baby?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
