Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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