I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
