oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
