look no pants
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just puked most of my soul out..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
