you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His hands were made for my vagina.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
