After last night, I could never be a politician.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
