2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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