tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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