Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i came on her dog
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Randomize
