I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
