well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
