I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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