So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
