i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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