i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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