I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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