I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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