Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize