I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
