Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
