Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
