it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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