I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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