I can text with my tongue
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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