It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
