just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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