is your mom at the bar?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize