ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
