Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
