So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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